Insomnia

It’s not really that I can’t sleep. I just can’t get Baby to go to sleep. It really sucks. Right now she’s behind me in her swing singing to herself. I’ve given up trying to rock her. It takes me hours to get anything done anymore and I’m just going to use this time to do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. Well, as long as it’s on the computer. Stupid swing keeps stopping.

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More Fundie Pagan nonsense floating around. I didn’t know that you had to fit into molds A,B, and C before you could really be called Pagan. I mean, really, come on. Pagan isn’t even really a religion. It’s a bunch of different religions. Religions that don’t fall into the monotheistic catagory. The only real prerequisite is polytheism. And yes, it can be one god in many different aspects…if you insist. If you can’t find a book about it in the religion section of the bookstore, then it’s probably Pagan. If most of the info you get is from the New Age section or the mythology section IT’S PROBABLY PAGAN. Now get off your fucking high horse and starting caring about people and not just in the way they fit into your particular mold.

I hear so much about this crap that it makes my head spin. And I seriously doubt that most of these Fundies even spend a whole lot of time practicing their religion. If they did they wouldn’t be online so much bitching about how people aren’t really Pagan. And if they do and they’re on here bitching about Pagan wannabes then they don’t have a flippin’ life.

I’ve thought about trying to find a tradition that I fit into. But to hell with that. I’m not going to bother. Who cares if I read something besides religious material? Who cares if I spend all of my online time in a Pagan forum? Good grief. I only have to prove to the gods how true my belief is and I sure as hell don’t have to prove it to anyone who can’t figure out for themselves what they believe.

Here’s the deal. I’ve spent many years using my brain and getting to know my gods. I’ve overcome a lot and I can attribute that to them. Not to these freaks that can’t even feel individual as pagans. I thought for a while that I needed some kind of name for a religion. Because that’s how I’ve been conditioned from childhood. I’ve got a name. But I wanted a group. Well, now I see that a lot of Pagans are no better than Fundie Christians and I’ve got no time for that. I want community, but I don’t want to have to bend sideway-to-back to find it. I’m thinking that a lot of these people have never really been tested by their gods. Well, we’ll see how they stand up to it when it happens. Looking through a mythology book won’t help. That’ll be the time to converse with the gods.

There was also another discussion on the dangers of using magic (IT’S SPELLED WITH A “C”) with mental illness. I say it’s dangerous, simply because of Karma. But there were actually people that argued with me about that because everyone can benefit from magic. I don’t really consider meditation to be magic. It’s a technique that relaxes the mind and body, making communing with the gods easier. Also a good tool to use after a particulary hectic day. Well, seems I’m wrong. Meditation is somehow magical. Funny that. Of course, I was talking about ritual, and calling to the gods in an impure state. But I’m non-traditional, so my opinion doesn’t count. Ok, that’s lovely. How’s about I give myself a name….Isian Eclectic. Ok, I have a name. I’m traditional. And it’s my own tradition.

So, I’m no long non-tradition eclectic Pagan. Now I’m Isian Eclectic. I’m liking it. Anyway, I thought about keeping the “non-traditional” part, but screw that. If I’m going to make up my own tradition then I’m just going to do it. No pussy footin’ around. Oh, I can see the eyes rolling now. “Oh, my gods! This chick is trying to start her own tradition! She can’t do that!” Watch me. I’ll be online solitary. Only solitary in that I don’t have anyone else to share my new tradition with. But that’ll change. There’s got to be some sheep out there. One’s that want to follow me.

Oh, I will find you and when I do….HE HE HE HE!

(That was fun.)

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