Secure that border, Boys!

Remember how democracy was on the march and we were going to save the whole world from itself?_[1] Well, the king has had enough of that. It has been brought to his attention that there are a lot of brown people coming across the border to steal American jobs_[2] and welfare benefits (getting rich quick on that, I’ll tell ya). Not only that, but they have the audacity to put their children in school so they can…gasp…learn! So, even though our troops are stretched from fighting for oil to bring democracy to the Middle East, our king is going to bring some of them home to help save us from the invasion of the South of the Border Brown Peopleâ„¢. Hallelujah!

Two White House officials said Bush would propose using troops as a stopgap measure while the U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s Border Patrol builds up its resources. The troops would play a support role for Border Patrol agents, who would maintain primary responsibility for physically guarding the border.

The officials spoke on a condition of anonymity before the address today at 8 p.m. The officials would not say how many troops Bush wants to use, except that it would be in the thousands but less than an estimate of as many as 10,000 being discussed at the Pentagon.

It’s good to know that we will once again be safe from those who would dare sing our “Star Spangled Banner” in Spanish. But wait, my very favorite lackey Republican weighs in to sound the alarm.

Criticism of the National Guard plan came yesterday from Democrats, but also an important Republican negotiator in the immigration debate, Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska. He said National Guard troops cannot secure the border over the long term and that he does not think it is wise even in the short term.

“We’ve got National Guard members on their second, third and fourth tours in Iraq,” Hagel said. “We have stretched our military as thin as we have ever seen it in modern times. And what in the world are we talking about here, sending a National Guard that we may not have any capacity to send … to protect borders?”

Could that be code for “Bring our people home”? Could it? Well, probably not. But it sounds good on the 6 o’clock news. At least Bill Frist remains ever the ass.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., said he supports using the National Guard on the Mexican border. He said lawmakers who doubt that the National Guard, whose members also went to the Gulf Coast after last summer’s hurricanes, could take on border-patrol duty are “whining” and “moaning.”

“We’ve got to secure our borders,” Frist said on CNN’s Late Edition. “We hear it from the American people. We’ve got millions of people coming across that border.”

Oh, goody! Target practice! Hop to it, Minutemen, you haven’t been doing your god-given duty! Luckily for us that means that some of our people get to come home finally. That is, of course, the good news in all of this chest thumping.

At any rate, I certainly hope they have enough fence and Guardsmen to guard the north border too, because, well, Canada is a haven for terrorists. And I for one won’t feel safe until Canada is well under our control.

_{[1] Well, just from the Muslims, but you get the point.
[2] Like shoveling chicken shit and mopping floors at Wal-Mart…the kind regular Americans want to do, but can’t because of the brown people.}

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