(Potty) Training Day

Today begins a long haul of suffering. Potty Training Day One. Oh yes, this should be fun.

A while ago we bought Baby a little toilet seat that goes over the adult seat. She, of course, wasn’t the slightest bit interested. At one point she was afraid of the damned thing (she’s a very fearful child). Last night she decided she wanted to go “pee on potty”. I put her up there and she stayed for a long time. Of course, she was mostly interested in shoving the toilet paper into the bowl, but it’s a start, right? She didn’t do any business in there, but that’s ok. I guess a little practice is in order before the big “do”.

This morning she wanted to get up there as soon I was done with my morning constitutional. So there she was, for a full 10 minutes, just hanging out, trying fanaggle toilet paper out of me (I having done the smart thing and moved it out of her reach). Still, nothing came out. Of course, she took a healthy dump in her diaper before all of this, so I guess that’s to be expected.

Now, here’s the problem for today. I asked TheMan to buy her some Pull-ups or Easy-ups when he was at the store the other day. What’s he do? Brings regular diapers. Pffft! Then I tell him we’re going to have to buy some little under-drawers for our big girl. He doesn’t like that idea either. I’m thinking he doesn’t want her to change into a dasterdly teenager, but honestly he’s shit out of luck ’cause there’s no stopping that trainwreck. Or it could just be because he’s a tightwad and can’t bear to part with that little bit of extra money. Anyway, my point is that I have to let Baby run about without her diaper on and hope I catch her before she messes the carpet. Ought to be tons of fun.

I remember when Lil’ Miss was potty training. So easy, that one. She couldn’t wait to drop a bomb in the toilet. And she couldn’t stand diapers. I don’t think she ever even shit in her pants, to be quite honest. Talk about spoiling me! She was the easiest flippin’ baby. I know, though, that this Baby is going to be hard headed. And things are going to get ugly and stinky. (Can I just be honest and say that kind of amuses me? Like the time she shat on TheMan’s arm because he was too slow to change her? Priceless.) A couple of weeks ago she took her diaper off and took a healthy dump right in the middle of TheMan’s “train room”. Wanna know a secret? Making teenage girls clean that shit up is an excellent deterrent to the “baby’s are so cute, I want one” syndrome they seem to all get once in a while. No babies for Lil’ Miss after that adventure. Mwahahhaahaha!

Here I come to the end and I have to ask. Few, are you completely grossed out? Have you even read this far? Can you remember when you were potty trained? laughing

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