Man, oh, man. My mother just found out she has an aneurysm. And she’s refusing to go back to the doctor. She was supposed to go get a shunt put in yesterday- so she can start dialysis. She cancelled her appointment.
My sister says that she’s worried that our mom may try to commit suicide herself. I say she’s already doing it. How? By not getting the medical care she needs to stay alive. Everything that is wrong (medically) with my mother was preventable and is manageable. But she’s going to die because she doesn’t want to deal with it. She’s allowing herself to die.
What’s worse than that? She’s constantly talking- ok, I’ll say it, whining about how sick she is. She just keeps on and keeps on. Looking for fucking sympathy and refusing to help herself. Do you realize how goddamned frustrating this is? The sad fact is that she doesn’t give a fuck that her family is just waiting to find her dead- and soon. We’re steeling ourselves for that soon-to-come event. Feeling sorry for her is not in my emotional abilities anymore. And neither is guilt. I am full of frustration and anger toward her. My sister is in a dangerous place right now and my mother is just letting herself go because “what’s the point?”.
I have talked to her about all of this. My other sister and I have talked extensively about this. And nothing is going to change her actions. There is no convincing her because it’s all about her and the fact that she doesn’t like what the doctors are telling her. Fuck that. I’m not even going to try to talk to her anymore. Now I’m preparing my family for the inevitable “mom’s dead” call. I’m preparing my family for the funeral day. I’m doing shit right now in anticipation of what’s coming- the same kind of shit someone would do if a loved one had received a terminal diagnosis. But my mother didn’t get that diagnosis. My mother could live. And she chooses not to do that. That pisses me the fuck off.
The sad thing is that one day she’ll realize that death is really coming for her and she’ll get scared. Then she’ll want to live. And it’ll be too fucking late. Just like a suicide at the last second. Except we know it’s coming and there’s not a fucking thing we can do about it.
My family is so fucked up. Honestly. My mother is severely borderline (not borderline schizophrenic, ok? Look it up), my little sister is severely borderline, and I’m borderline (though I’ve gotten help with my disorder and I’m not severe). I would move my kids far away to keep them away from the insanity, but I won’t have to. My mother will be dead soon and then I won’t see my sisters very much. Isn’t that just….Well, fucked up?
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Dang, girl! You have alot on your plate. That is fucked up. I don’t know how I would handle being in a situation like that. But then again, I have my share of dysfunction in the family tree, but I just ignore them.
Yeah, it is really fucked up. I’d love to pretend it wasn’t happening and ignore my mother. But that’s not possible. So I just wait and worry and stay pissed off. What else can I do?
that is fucked up. I’m so sorry…
That is so much to take in.
Damn woman…I mean just DAMN
Get all the family together (pre-planned) and then start asking her how she wants the funeral. What flowers, music etc, saying that you might as well make the arrangements now while you are still able to ask the questions.
Better still take her to a Funeral parlour and get her to choose a casket, and be nothing but unsympathetic to her. Tell her she has the ability to change the outcome, but if she doesn’t act soon, she may no longer have the option.
My FIL had an aneurysm, and the Docs said that it might last for years, or it might pop any second, and if it pops, he would bleed out within two minutes.
You can’t fuck with shit like that but if she wants to continue to stick her head in the sand, she may as well complete the job sooner, rather than later to relieve the rest of the family of the anxiety.
Thanks everyone for your comments. It\’s a damned mess for sure.
Few,
We\’ve already planned her funeral for the most part. She told us years ago that she wants cremated. Anyway, she won\’t hear anything we have to say. All that she will do is completely flip out and start calling us all kinds of foul names. She won\’t hear a word. And, honestly, I\’d rather not get her so worked up with that fucking thing in her brain. Finding her dead I might be able to handle but watching her die would mess me up.
Thanks for the support though. I honestly and sincerely appreciate it.
Have I mentioned that I am wayyyyyyy paranoid. I should seek therapy I know. One of my fears is death. I am scared shitless that one of my teeth in the back (that I so need to get fixed but have no insurance no to do so) will cause an anu-whatever you call it. I am completely fucked when it comes to my mentality.
That’s how one of my college professors justified psychology majors…he said we were all mental and it took a crazy person to understand another crazy person.