So the motherfucker who put an offer on my house has decided that he can’t get out of his lease. WHAT THE FUCK! Hello, guy, here’s a fucking clue. When you go house hunting and you make an offer on one of said houses you should probably have your goddamned ducks in a row. Ok? You’ve wasted a week of our lives with this bullshit. Here’s another clue, you defaulted on a loan which means that you’re probably not going to get another one very easily. Ok? WE KNOW that you couldn’t get a loan and that you’re landlord was letting you go. We also know that you’re a big fucking cock for taking up so much of our valuable time. I’d sue your ass if I didn’t already have another buyer lined up. And you’d better hope the fucker is going to offer what you should’ve paid or mama will hunt your ass down and cut off your balls. This is a promise. I swear to the gods that if I lose my other house you will be on my hit list and you will have no where to hide. Got that, loser boy?
Hmmmph. Yeah, I’m a tad pissed. I do have another buyer lined up, but I didn’t want to have to keep showing it. It’s annoying to have to leave everytime someone wants to check out your digs. Then you have to make sure it’s always showcase condition. That is not fun when you have three children (this includes Mr. I’m-a-neat-freak-but-won’t-flush-the-toilet) trashing the house behind you. What do you mean you can’t put your shoes away? And who the hell burnt the eggs and didn’t bother cleaning the pan? Why is there dirty underwear on the floor in front of the washer? Hello?! Someone better send me some good reefer so I can calm the fuck down. For real. At this rate I’ll be bald by tomorrow.
I was doing some blog lurking today and saw something really interesting. Some people actually plan what they’re going to write, then think about it, and write it after all that. This, to me, is hilarious, because when I blog the shit just shoots from my brain to my fingertips. There’s no planning involved. Hell, I don’t even have spellcheck installed. I literally just go with the flow. Do a lot of people actually plan their hilarity? I know I’m not all that funny too often, but shit. This is what I read today (not at all word-for-word)
“First you have to plan what you’re going to write about, then you have to think about how you’re going to say it, then you have to make sure the spelling is right….”
Huh? Is that what’s wrong with my shit? I think that I write my best stuff when I’m just winging it, not worrying about if I’m being funny or smart. Of course you can’t tell that from reading my archives, but I used to have some good shit going on in this joint (well, technically the other joint, but who really cares?). Anyway, I think that if I had to put that much thought into my writing, from which I’m getting neither fame nor fortune, I just wouldn’t do it. Honestly. I’m too fucking lazy for that shit. If you’ve got to think about being funny and/or smart when writing a personal blog, then you’re trying to damned hard. That’s my personal opinion. And that much trying is probably stifling something else that would be even better. Blogging should be fun and/or therapeutic not free work. Anyway, what was my point?
This person to which I’m referring says that blogging takes a lot of time out of your day and if you’re posting regularly (or even more than once a day) then you’re spending too much time online, because a normal blog post should take at least an hour to prepare. This is because of all the “thinking and planning” (har har) that goes into the average blog post. Hahahahahaha!!! Well, here’s a clue for this person- not everyone takes all that much time to get that shit up and fed to the masses. Some of us (like me) just tap-tap-tap away and hope that something good comes out of it. Some of us write like we talk- on the cuff. I mean, if blogging is supposed to be a conversation then that makes sense. If I had to stop and plan my conversations (responses, etc) then by the gods no one would want to talk to me. I’d be the most boring person on the fucking block. Ok? Also, I wouldn’t be a very good listener because I would be too busy “thinking over” what I’d say next. You know? Ok, I lost my train of thought there (that’s what I get for not planning). I think it might take me ten minutes to make a regular post (the kind that’s like “This is what happened today….Crap”) and maybe half an hour when I’m going all tangent and shit. In my opinion it’s not the posting that takes up so much time in a person’s day it’s the commenting.
If I see a particular post with 40-100 comments, then read said comments, I notice a lot of the same people commenting. Now, that will take a lot of time out of your day. If the blog is popular and a post just went up and I see the same couple of commenters jumping right in, I know that they spend the majority of their day on the computer. The quoted individual above fits into this type of commenter. This person spends quite a lot of their time going back and forth in the comment areas. Then has the nerve to chastise someone else for their multiple postings? Please. Goddamned hypocrite. Don’t tell someone else to get a life when yours is in front of the computer screen. Ok? That makes no fucking sense. Sorry, I was giving away too much information there, but that’s not the point. My point is that commenting a lot on this blog or that one will take a lot of your time. And if you’re patiently waiting for a post to go up on your favorite blog just so you can be the first in the comments, don’t tell someone else to get off the ‘Net. Honestly, that makes no sense. Of course, a lot of stupid blog shit makes no sense to me. Like who cares what your technorati rank is? I don’t. But that’s a subject for another post.
I would now like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of my favorite bloggers for not commenting regularly. I know that my absence makes no difference in the scheme of things (especially considering I’ve got like 4 readers and everyone else has like 190839) but I’ve been stressing lately and who wants a dark cloud on their sunny day? Hopefully things will get back to normal around the first of the year.
Now, my tangent has been officially interrupted by the cutest little sprite in the world, telling me it’s time for mama to end this shit. Have you even read this far? Until…well…whenever, that’s all, folks.
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Yep, I read that far…and here I am…kids settled, and on my coffee….The day canNOT begin til Mama has had her coffee. Or dang if the shit wont hit the fan!
Plan a post!? WTF!? I might see or hear something funny and tell myself,”I am so gonna blog that shit” but to actually plan, hells nawls! Too much going on with four kids and all to plan anything. I am lucky if I can successfully plan DINNER!
Hahahahaha Whatever. Been missing you! But I know how life kicks in!
Yeah, I know all about the coffee. ‘Cept mine is tea. No tea, no talky to me. Hahaha! That rhymed and I so did not plan that shit.
I just found that particular quote funny because all that planning takes away from some of the fun and drama, I think. Fuck that noise. I don’t have enough time and/or energy to sit and plan. Guess she/he’s the type of person that would handwrite their post, read it out loud, make corrections, then type, make corrections and finally post. Fuck that noise.
Aw, thanks for missing me, though I’m pretty flippin’ boring. Soon, I hope, things will settle down.
i don’t plan shit! my posts basically come from my boredom and stuff that happens right up to the moment i post.
if you need help hog-tying the dude who backed out on your house, gimme a holler.
right now, i’m doing my best to NOT be bored. so far, it’s not working very well. i might actually clean my apartment. chances are, i’ll decide not to.
Clean? Fuck that noise. I feel like I’m cleaning 24 hours a day since our house went up for sale. I want my slob days back. I mean, following a toddler, teenager, and a man around all day long gets flippin’ tiring. I swear I’m developing OCD or something. I cannot stand, right now, to even see a water spot in the stainless steel sink (in case you were wondering how I could see a water spot in a sink, ya know? I mean, it’s not enamel…Oh fuck. Nevermind). And I think my husband has unlearned how to flush the toilet. Is that possible?
Planning is for someone with another personality type than mine. I can’t do all that. I don’t plan meals and I don’t plan blogging. I plan when I’m going to do homework/study, when I’m going to take a walk and…I think that’s about it. Shit, I buy day planners and forget where the hell I put ‘em. Bah! I don’t take this stuff too seriously. I’ve got more important things to worry about than if my spelling and grammar are correct in a boring ass post that probably only makes sense to me. Ya dig?