Where’s my damned money?

I’m a little pissed off right now. Ok, I’m really, really fucking-seeing-red-steam-out-my-ears pissed. As some of you may vaguely remember (because I know that you skip over some shit, don’t lie) I work as an external proofreader. Well, this week my fucking check didn’t come. I was nice and patient and waited until yesterday to email my boss. “I’d like to know if my check was mailed or if my neighbor is a thief,” I wrote. And then I waited and waited and waited and…well, you get the picture. Niiice.

So, I go to the message board (where other proofers gather and complain about/praise the job) to see if anyone else is having the same problem. By the gods, imagine my fucking surprise when I saw that everyone was sans^[1] payment. What kind of shit is that? Hello! I’m not working for free, assholes. Anyway, I looked for answers and everyone was saying “Did anyone email Alison yet?” Now, in my opinion, if you’ve got the time to ask that on a message board then you can type out a shitty email. But I digress. I just wanted to know if I was the only one. I was not.

Now, my employer is in Austin, Texas and, as most of you know, the Southwest was devastated last week by the development of a freak glacier, causing most businesses and schools to say “Fuck that noise” and close their doors. Seems that my employer was one of those businesses. Today I receive an email saying:

I submitted everyone’s payments to AP on Friday. I know that they were scrambling to get everything done in two days that was normally accomplished in five, due to the bad weather. I will check tomorrow to see when they were dropped in the mail.

Hmm, interesting. Bet you got your fucking pay check, didn’t ya? Bet no one had to scramble to get you your shit. Did they? Of course, not, because you’re all over that shit. You’ve got bills to pay, unlike the rest of us. Oh, and thanks for the email telling me that my fucking check, my hard earned fucking money, would be days late. Oh! You didn’t send one? Well, ain’t that so very professional. I’m glad to know that my measly about of work wasn’t enough of a priority for you on Wednesday and Thursday to get it out on time. Nope, wouldn’t want anyone scrambling to make sure their fucking help got paid for all the squinting, correcting, and “Ah, shit”‘ing they did. Who really gives a damned if the little, wahm gets her money? We don’t really need the money. We just do this shit for fun.

Ok, I guess I’m all vented out. I was hoping to milk that shit for a really good post, but I wore myself out instead. I really am disappointed and frustrated and ready to scream someone down. But I’m trying to build a resume and that just wouldn’t work, would it? Gotta be nice and shit. Maybe I’ll start making beaded candles or something and sell that shit. Naw, I’m not competitive enough, unfortunately. And I’m certainly no salesperson. Too laid back for that, too.

WTF? I better get my damned paycheck today goddamn it or..or..I don’t know what I’ll do but I better get that fucking shit today. Don’t make me keep blogging about this shit! It can get ugly.

Update: Got an email that says:

AP just confirmed that they were indeed dropped in the US postal mail. You might check with your local post office to see if some delay has occurred. Please let me know when you receive your check.

Looks to me like someone is full of shit. This just means that mail carriers all over the country are slacking, considering I’m not the only one who didn’t get a check. :laughing: Oh, the fun!

On another note, I’m still not smoking. But it’s not easy. I just want to step outside to cool down and inhale the chemicals. This patch makes me have crazy dreams (which is kind of nice because they can be funny) and itchy skin. Supposedly that’s normal. I don’t know. I’m going to be youthfully beautiful when all this is done and instead of sounding 15 years-old my voice can go back to sounding 7 years-old. This is good, yes? I’ve eaten a lot of chicken noodle soup in the last few days, though. Is that very fattening? And the patch really isn’t calming my nerves. Lil’ Miss was killing me yesterday. Not to mention TheMan keeps buying cigarettes and leaves them on the counter for me to see. “I swear, Man, I have no idea how they ended up in the driveway covered with dirty slush. No, it wasn’t me that threw your lighter in the toilet. LEAVE ME ALONE!” You know, for a while I was putting off quitting because of the stress in the house, and now I realize that not smoking causing the most stress of all- because the fam is seriously out to get me. No lie. Why can’t I just sleep until this stuff eases up a little? Why can’t I just be medicated for about 6 weeks? _{*I’m stronger than the cigarettes. I can do this. I am super woman.*}

Oh, and that new Aquafresh commercial? The one with the chicks brushing their teeth and smiling so beautifully. Yeah, I hate that commercial. Not because they have gorgeous babes on there with beautifully straight and white teeth. Why does the one woman have to be half naked in the tub? And why isn’t there any flippin’ toothpaste on their goddamned toothbrushes? I have never in my life been able to brush my teeth properly and not have some toothpaste residue in my mouth prior to rinsing and spitting. And yes, since I’ve been annoyed by this particular commercial I did try. These bitches didn’t have any of the toothpaste they were touting on their damned brushes and that really grates my nerves.

Yes, I know I get annoyed by the strangest things. Deal.

_{[1] That’s French for “without”, just in case you were like “Wha….?”}

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