Don’t cheat- unless your wife doesn’t put out

I’m still alive, if you can believe that. Things have been so hectic around here lately. Don’t worry, though, I’m not going to bore you with the mundane details.

I did have an interesting conversation with TheMan’s women folk. We were all up at Millie’s stepmother’s house (you remember that Millie’s dad just got put in a nursing home?). Well, Hildie (the stepmother/stepgrandmother) was telling how her granddaughter left her husband after finding him with another woman. But she wasn’t angry with the granddaughter’s philandering husband. What galled her was that her granddaughter refused to take him back even after he apologized! I told her that I’d be the same way. Sorry, but an apology ain’t gonna cut with me. That’s when the conversation evolved into the most asinine shit I’d ever heard.

TheMan’s female relatives began lecturing me on how it’s appropriate and expected that a man go find some other tail when his wife’s not putting out. “A man’s got to have sex!”, they told me. I laughed. “If the husband can’t keep his penis to himself, then he shouldn’t expect his wife to stay around. So, if TheMan can’t get an erection because of prostrate surgery, or something like that, it would be all right for me to take a boy toy?” Gasp! Shock! Faint! OMG! Millie looks me straight in the eye and says:

“You don’t need sex like he does. It’s a sin for you to cheat on your husband.”

That’s when I pretty much fell on the floor pissing myself in laughter. I have read that people thought like this in the past but I was pretty sure that was hundreds of years ago. Boy, was I wrong! I told them all that if my husband felt he needed to get sexed up by some hussy other than me then he could file for divorce, and don’t expect me to be nice about the whole situation. I then informed them that women are designed, just like men, to enjoy sex and if they didn’t know that then someone wasn’t giving it to them right. Cue the big eyeballs and dropped jaws of shock. TheMan’s aunt promptly asked me “You’re a feminist, aren’t you?”

Oh, for the love of any and all gods… I don’t think I laughed so hard in months. I have never, ever in all of my life actually heard a woman say the things these so-called classy and educated women were saying about women, sex, and male infidelity. I grew up knowing not only my grandmother, but my great-grandmother and great-great grandmother and none of them ever said that kind of shit to me. I was rolling. It was comedy to me, but oh-so serious to them. Very funny. At any rate, I made one more observation: “The Bible says “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, it doesn’t say “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless your wife isn’t putting out, in which case take as many harlots as you want- but keep in mind this only applies to men”. What’s your argument about that?” Fuckola, I got to hear some stories about some guy’s wife who couldn’t have babies so he had babies with the maid– Her name was Ruth, I think. Anyway, I lost that battle. What can I say? I was outnumbered three to one. And those chicks can get loud. Good grief. Don’t even try to mention the risk of the unfaithful party bringing home something nasty. They won’t hear of it. Wow.

Still, I hold that if I ever caught TheMan dipping into someone else’s ink well we’d be splitsville. Period. And to me it’s not the part that he didn’t love me enough to keep it at home, it’s the fact that he wouldn’t love me enough to keep me safe. There’s the dangers of STDs and psycho women who will boil rabbits on the fucking stove. No lie. If he would do that to me then I don’t want him. And if he wants to play the field, more power to him, there are plenty of women that will be happy to play with him. But he needs to let me go because I’ll be looking for something better. Ya know?

I still can’t get over how they were thinking though. I was completely amazed. Luckily, Hildie was the only one with any daughters and they are both way past their prime (though, from the way it sounds, somehow a feminist (heh) got into her family line. Oh the horror!). The only female that Millie could possibly pass that bullshit down to is my Baby and, well, she’s got me for a mother- Millie will lose that battle. Baby won’t be a roll over and take the abuse because she’s female kind of woman. I can completely understand, though, the kind of abuse and humiliation my feminist foremothers bore to bring women in this country to a place where we don’t have to accept that our men are going to cheat on us, or beat on us, or be complete fuckwads. No matter how you feel about radical feminists, you should still be thankful that it was feminists that brought us out of place where that kind of thinking was the norm.

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