Tomorrow’s my first big speech. I thought I had that mofo down and then I read it, which caused me to revise it. Then I read it again and I had to revise it again. Repeat 2x. I cannot read this speech to memorize it without fixing something. Honestly, this shit sucks big donkey balls. How do you stop revising? How do you memorize without revising? I do better at waiting tables, I swear to god.
Ok. I’m done crying now. Back to work for me.
Update:
Thanks for all the cheerleading, folks. But I suck and there’s just no getting away from that.
Well, the information was excellent and I got good marks on that (intro, transitions, ethos, etc.) but my presentation flopped like a dead fish. I got zero hours of sleep last night and promptly forgot everything I thought I memorized. I started out strong and about halfway through my second paragraph a panic attack set in, someone in the audience distracted me and that, I’m sorry to say, was the end of that. My 4 minute speech ended up being 6 minutes. Very embarrassing. The only thing that saved me was the content and the organization (though it was hard to tell that I was organized because of my sudden crash). I wasn’t the only one to have that happen so I’m not feeling lonely. Oh well. I have three more speeches to give, so I hope I’ll figure it out before the end of the semester. I’m not too worried about the grade, as long as it’s good enough to keep me from having to retake this damned class.
But let me tell you about Red. Jeebus, but that bitch was ultra irritating today. When we got our evaluations this chick raises her hand and says “I’ve got all fives, what does that mean?” That was her trying to let everyone know how well she did. Except she’s a lying cow. Prof says to her “I think you must be mistaken because no one got all fives.” Mwahahahaha! That was gold, I’ll tell ya, pure gold. But did it stop Red? No. We got our papers back and they were graded, but not with percentage points. Red: “How many percentage points is a B+?” Good grief, idiot, shut up! Honestly, who the fuck cares but you? Prof explained the grading scale that was actually on the syllabus, which Red had right in front of her. Dumbass. Hey, Red! I got an A. How’s that tickle your ass, Heifer? (I didn’t tell her my grade because it’s not her business, ya know?)
She’s one of those people that tries to compete with the entire class for the best grade. I hate people like that. What’s the point? It’s not going to affect my grade point and I’m really not going to fall at her feet in adulation. I’m pretty sure no one else is either, judging from the amount of eye rolling that was happening. Poor kid needs to find some kind of self-esteem and quit with the trying to impress. Millie is like that with her money “Ooo, look what I have! Aren’t you jealous?” Um, no. I don’t get jealous. Now, if you want to share in the wealth/nerves of steel, then by all means do that. Otherwise shut your pie hole and move the fuck on.
Well, I certainly feel a lot better now. Nothing like giving a bitch the what-for to take away the abject humiliation and disappointment of completely flopping that damned speech. Whew.
Next up: The informational speech. I’m thinking about doing Paganism. What do you think?
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18 Comments
Made lots of speeches in my time, award winning, etc. Just stop. It’s never going to be perfect. If it says what you want to say, say 85% of the way, you’re done. You’re going to beat it into submission and it’ll lose some of its spark. If you’ve only revised it once or twice, that’s different, but after four or five, you’re done.
Now that’s if it’s for a class. If it’s for a six figure grant to fund your project for the next three years, or for that multi-million dollar presentation, it may stand more beating.
After a while you get too close, though, and you really need to let it rest and yourself. If you’re reaaaaalllllly worried, give it to a trusted acquaintance who won’t bust your ass but will help you with things that stand out. Or email it to me if you want. I don’t bite.
Great advice, from Looney, JJ. Yer gonna be, well, fabulous. Break a leg.
I’d say send it to me for help, but I do bite, and with two strikes already on my record….
Yer gonna be great.
Best.
Thanks, guys. It’s sooo nice to have cheerleaders like you.:) Makes me want to videotape the speech and post it for you….hahahhaa! Yeah, right. Thanks for offering to review it for me, but I’m afraid I’d be forced to revise it just one more time. This is why I don’t like doing things like this because I always find something else wrong. Surprisingly, I don’t have this same problem with papers and/or articles.
I don’t think I need too much help with this particular speech (because it’s about stuff in the book) but I’ll for sure need critiqued when I do my informative and persuasive speeches. I’ll post those when I get them done and you guys can pick me apart.
Oh, and my biggest issue is the memorizing, because I do not do well with off-the-cuff when speaking- and this means in regular conversation too. You should hear me retell a story…Um,no, don’t do that. Ask Awaiting. I’m pretty sure there was one point when I was talking to her where she wanted to whack me over the head.
Ya really want a cheerleader?
Here goes…Gimme a J! Gimme an I! Gimme an oh heck, just gimme!
You’ll be fine, chica! I have faith you will not only ROCK, but you will blast the pants off that professor!
Here’s to you, being completely badass and straight dominating that!
I love giving speeches, believe it or not…was always speaking at highschool functions and now I am the ‘toekn speaker’ at events regarding not only my father, but black history and NAACP functions.
You will RAWK.
token…all that Britney gossip is going to my unshaven head.
Hope you kick ass today, JJ!
So, it went well, yes??
Sounds to me like you did fine. Sometimes it’s not how you do when it goes well, but how you do when it all really sucks. I remember one speech tournament I was in where I had entered four different sections (usually you’ll do just one or two well) and hadn’t prepared for any of them.
Nothing like being asked by the judge to just sit down in front of all your well known competition…
Mark,
Thanks for stopping by!
Did well? No. I fell flat on my face. And it really sucked.
Looney,
A speech tournament? Boy, oh, boy, I’d gouge my own eyes out with a spork first, I think. Got any advice on how to get over those nerves? Please?
“Thanks for stopping by!”
Thanks for having me.
Well, I’m sorry to hear that it sucked. Really. I hope the next time goes better.
:o)>
too bad it sucked! next time, i can predict that you’ll rawk! keep up the good work and it’s soon to pay off.
Not that we should take life lessons from movies, but I truly get a bit of inspiration from that line in Batman Begins: “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
Next time you will kick much ass, JJ. I guarantee. You’re too strong-willed not to.
“Red: “How many percentage points is a B+?’â€
Here’s where I would pipe right up and say, “It’s a high number of percentage points, but the bad news is, the number is inversely proportional to your IQ.”
Got any advice on how to get over those nerves? Please?
It all begins when you realize that not one of these people is going to kill you.
They’re not going to even hurt you, or even touch you for that matter.
Then you realize that the teacher (if a guy) probably whacked off that very morning. If a woman, well, that might be true too
That the bitch with the B+ probably has leakage stains on her underwear.
That the guy in the third row smirking at you picks his nose when he thinks no one’s looking.
That nobody else in the room is any more interesting than you are anyway.
That nothing anyone in there thinks matters at all…
You just do it over and over and over again, and the pain starts to go away and you can just let go and be you.
It’s fear of their judgment, what they think, that usually besets us and we start thinking about what they’re thinking rather than what we’re doing.
Fuck ‘em, I say, and just do your think like it was just you and the mirror. You’ll have more fun, and so will your audience
Best I can do on short notice!!!
Do your THING… heh, oops.
JJ — even if you hadn’t requested cheerleading, there’s something for you over on the 5C I think you should see, and more importantly, you deserve. You rock.
Schad,
Thanks for the pick-me-up at your place. That’s awesome. I was truly moved. Also, I’ve learned a lot from movies…not a lot of which was good.:))
PJ,
OMG! That’s fabulous! Believe that I’ll be using that the next time she pipes up, if only under my breath.
Looney,
Good grief that’s some good advice! I love it! Thanks bundles. I tried to audience in the underwear thing, but I do believe imagining all their private quirks will work so much better. Mwahahahaha! Especially my prof. What a hag!
I’m dedicated to making my next speech shocking, because I’m pretty sure the shock value actually works for me. At least it has in the past. And if it doesn’t I’ll at least have something to blog about.