You know what’s fun? Reading old posts. I’m so vain, I swear. Anyway, I like to read the good ones because on my bad days my mind is all wonky and I forget what it’s like to have a coherent thought. For real. So, the related post plugin has given me reason to laugh and laugh. I’ve also noticed that some of my posts are duplicated from the move. Oops. That would have been because of cross-posting. My bad.
This week’s question is inspired by Awaiting. She had an issue with a friend and had to give the bitch the boot. I don’t blame her. Awaiting is a much more gentle and forgiving soul than I. If that person would’ve been my friend, it would have been ON. Believe it. So, I’m going to completely steal her question and use it here. And I quote:
Any of you ever dropped a ‘friend’ because he/she turned out to be a fucking fake ass trick?
I really dislike fake people. Since I give everyone the benefit of the doubt straight out of the gate, I’ve had experience with this. I lose respect for someone who can’t accept who they are and try to pretend to be something different. The ill feelings have toward these types of people have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and accepted who I am.
This is especially true for people that want to belong to a group so bad that they twist themselves inside out to be like them. It doesn’t work. Not for anyone. It might seem like it does for a little while, but in the end they either accept you for the person you really are, or you get hurt. If you don’t listen to R&B, don’t pretend you do for your new black friend. If you’ve never had a tat before, don’t get one just because someone mentioned it was cute once (or at least get a fake one, so you don’t have to live with it forever). That shit makes no sense to me. When do you reach a point in your life when you expect people to want to be around you and stop practically begging for their company?
I don’t have a lot of time for shit like that. And so I don’t have a lot of friends. I can count the number of close personal friends I have in my life right now on two hands. Which is perfect for me. I LOVE it. I don’t need to worry if this person is being real or going to stab me in the back, because I usually bring out the stabbing part pretty quick. And no, that’s not something of which I’m ashamed. Why should I be? I want to be friends with people that are happy in their skin, if not in their lives. If they’re struggling then they want to improve not be approved. And I don’t have to worry about someone showing up one day with my exact same haircut because they wanted to impress me. I do have to worry that my friends will tell me like it is, but only because they sincerely care. None of that fake shit for me.
So, yup, I’ve thrown some people overboard. It sucked, but was necessary. Shoot, I’ve been through too much in my lifetime to have to worry about selfish people. Plain and simple.
Your turn.
Update:
I just wanted to remind folks where I got the idea for this post. Awaiting was having issues with a so-called friend offline. Anyone who clicked the link above would have seen that. Offline seems to be where most of us have most of our relationship experiences (especially if you’re over 15). So, the issues discussed here were in no way an underhanded jab at anyone online- unless they took it that way and then oh well, that’s their problem. Really, gimme a break. If I say my friend pissed me the fuck off because she just can’t tell the truth, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s someone I’m friendly with ONLINE. Online is fun to a certain extent. But online is not all the time. At least not for most of us.
Popularity: 13% [?]
Sphere: Related Content
Site Tags: fake-people, friendships, joiners
Technorati Tags: fake-people, friendships, joiners
Powered by FireStats
26 Comments
Great post. I need to work on some of this, in particular staying away from toxic “friendships” and being more judgmental when people act like assholes or phonies. Sometimes tolerance isn’t such a good thing, ya know? It’s actually better to cut it off once you sense it’s no good, rather than trying to “work things out” and prolonging the inevitable. As you say, having a few people around you can count on is a better deal than having a bunch of fake “pals” who’ll shove you out the door into the hail of bullets when it suits them.
I used to have tons of fake people…folks just seemed to want to be around me to get shit. I hated those folks. I am also too nice. I know, I know…I am seriously working on that shit.
I’m going to be blunt….I don’t like people in general because if they’re not fake, then they are liars and users. It’s very unusual for me to actually LIKE someone.
I kicked a “friend” to the curb a couple of years ago. She had money, I didn’t, and she had started making shitty little remarks about my lack of material goods….so I started making snide little remarks about how her husband was fucking around on her. hehehehehehe
The bitch deserved it.
Wow, did we know the same skank? LOL I recently dropped someone who by your description was exactly like your rich friend. She would act nicey nicey to me only to throw underhanded comments that totally hurt me. She constantly sought the approval of others and even joined a cult. When I said I wouldn`t join, she said;” Oh no, this is most defiantly NOT for you!” Ya, whatever psycho. Kudos to you!
I’ve never really had to drop a friend, though I’ve stopped dealing with some people and forgetting about them. I’ve got a pretty good gut when it comes to figuring out people and I usually get a good read on them the first time I meet them. My philosophy is that I’m too damn busy to worry about any other people’s shit, so if you got a problem with me or don’t want to take me as I am, too bad for you. That pretty much means that the only people that end up my friends are people that are comfortable with who they are and willing to accept me as I am. Makes it easy.
Had to LOL @ “shove you out the door into the hail of bullets”. That’s so it. Now I want to make up other expressions to mean your “friends” will let you down, like “sign you up for the Acme Fireworks mailing list”; “take your Allen key and leave you holding the Ströbl flatpack”; “bring you to the karaoke then switch all the discs to Bobby Goldsboro”.
I realise this is perhaps not entirely in keeping with the tone of the poastie. Sorry. It won’t happen again prolly will.
Being too tolerant will give you heartburn. Really. Especially when it comes to people who you could potentially let get too close to you. Then they take a big dump all over you. Why bother with that crap? Ease on into a friendship, then if something looks iffy bail. Who’s got time for the idiocy?
You epitomize the welcome mat friend. Really. You let people really take advantage of you. One of these days you’re going to quit and all those people are going to go into shock. I hope I get to see it when it happens.
Since when are you not blunt?
I hate people who brag about their material possessions. So the fuck what if you’ve got a big ol’ house. Are you going to let me come live in it? Why don’t you have pity on me and bankroll me then? No? Well shut the fuck up then. I hate people like that too.
So, yup, she deserved it. The tramp.
Elaine,
Welcome! Thanks for stopping by.
You should so be like Nikki and me and throw the underhanded, snide, bitchy comments back. You’ll be surprised at how quickly skanks will shut up and leave you alone. Just be careful. Some of them like it when you’re tough and will so stalk you.
I’m with ya. I don’t have the time. You know, I’m getting on in years and I want to enjoy my time to the best of my ability. I don’t need some poisonous personality hanging a weight around my neck. Shoot, I have enough of that wrt family members. UGH! No time.
I mean duh, friendship is an investment and it’s got its ups and downs. If people are flakes, then fine, but I’m not about to give someone the Frenchman’s wave just because they were snotty to me. What I’ll give them instead is a piece of my mind. Makes me wonder why y’all got into friendships with such people to begin with, ya know?
I can count the number of close personal friends I have in my life right now on two hands.
Shit, you’re loaded girl! If this is true I’m starting to think that your tough chick persona is just an act. Now show me otherwise. Make me feel the hate - you can build on the foundation that the previous comments have laid. The irony is that I haven’t even filled up one hand with CPFs.
Anyway, since you asked
Doesn’t have diddly to do with someone being snotty. Shit, I’m snotty enough myself. That goes with the territory. When it gets down to being shitty, disrespectful, and hateful, then too bad so sad. I don’t have time for that shit. The investment goes both ways and I’m just selfish enough to have had it up to my eyeballs with being treated like shit by anyone and only take it from blood relatives. And only a couple of them get through the front door.
That’s called giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Some of us aren’t blessed with the psychic powers that enable others to be able to judge a person’s character straight out of the gate.
My close personal friendships span my entire lifetime. They’re not perfect, but they’re not shitty either. I’m loaded, you think? Hmm. Well some people would beg to differ, I guess. At least those of the female persuasion who think the number of contacts in their phone book equals that many friends.
What exactly do you mean by “tough chick persona”? “Persona” implies that I’m acting a part here on my little blog that is different than how I am in real life. That I’m being fake when I write about myself. Interesting assessment. I’d say that if you met me in real life you’d meet the same person you read about here, but what’s the point? That just sounds hollow. I’m as real as they come. You can believe that or not. Makes zero difference to me.
And why would I make you “feel the hate”? What hate would you be speaking of? There’s no hate in having no time for shitty people. There’s no hate in moving on when a relationship is going no where. That’s life. I don’t have a whole lot of time to be fucking around giving people second and third chances. That’s not hate. That’s reality.
Otim…I have no problems personally, dealing with some snotty ass friends, heck…I can be quite snotty myself at times. I mean, wouldn’t want anyone cutting me off just because I decided to be a bit hoot-toot-snotty-totty.
But I will no longer tolerate sheer and utter rudeness, inconsideration nor disrespect to myself, my children or anyone else that I hold dear. That is unacceptable and as a friend, someone who claims that title as far as I am concerned, should not even attempt to go there.
I say, hell, iffin your ass is going to demean my kids, what kind of mother am I to let you continously get away with that shit. Hell, I should take a bat and spork to any person who dares belittle my wee ones.
And as far as a persona…it is so easy to create a blog, pretend to be smart and cool and funny and witty and intelligent…after all you’re online, no one has to see you, smell your farts, listen to you belch your ass off, nor do they have to know that you can’t wipe your ass and have streaks in your fruit of the looms, can’t get a date, have no social skills and retreat to the computer with hopes of getting someone attention. Nope, not online.
But I will tell you this, with Jinxi, what you see is what you flippin’ get and you don’t come across that too often in the blogsphere…nope, just way to many fake asses with an email address, internet access, and the ability to type in blogger.com
And as far as you wanting to feel the hate…dude, how can you hate someone you don’t know outside of a screenname, a blog, and too much time on their hands. So instead of hate, feel the love, my man.
Now let’s get all seventies hip on this shit and break out the peace bong.
*puff, puff, pass bro.*
A-Men, chica!
*pass it this way*
I’ve been accused of holding grudges against some folks, but it’s not about stewing over one event ad infinitum. It’s just about knowing that that person isn’t a friend, isn’t going to be one, and can move on along their own way now.
I just realized, a few minutes ago in fact, that some people haven’t clicked the link to your post. So some people are thinking this is some kind of online drama. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that people actually turn of their computers. You know? The idea that the drama and the nonsense happened in your damned livingroom never enters into people’s minds. Funny, huh?
Re your update. I was thinking of my real-life ex-friend R, who basically used me for a while so her kids could have other Jewish kids to play with (a big thing to her), and then dumped me when someone else was more convenient for her to carpool with. Yes, I do sometimes step away from the computer! LOL
I reread my post and can see how I came across as disagreeing with your outlook. After I wrote “Since you asked” I should have clarified it with “and since I’m drunk and pissed off about something totally unrelated to you or Blogovia.”
I’m sorry about the “tough chick” comment. I have no reason to believe you are any less real than anyone else I like to hang out with online, if that makes any difference to you.
The hate thing was from my feelings that it’s a very strong word, and I was being cheeky (and drunk) like I’m hoping you and others were, at least in comments above with a smiley. FTR, I don’t hate people who brag about their material possessions or snotty skanks, etc. I feel sorry for them and if given the chance will tell them so just before informing them of my opinion that they’re a waste of space or a wanker or whatever. And then like you I don’t waste any more time thinking about them. So maybe our approaches are different to the same ends, or maybe it’s just a matter of semantics.
I’m not psychic, but I do consider myself a fairly good judge of character, or at the very least the people I like to hang with (score points for JJ). I guess we differ a bit on the benefit of the doubt thing. Maybe that’s why my CPFs, who also represent a lifetime, are few and far between (UPDATE: It turns out I have filled up one hand, plus one!). I like people to sort of prove they are worthy of my investment. If it’s a fault, it’s one that I can live with. The balance is that I don’t expect people to want to be around me right off the bat.
JJ - Re: your update, I wasn’t thinking (habit of mine) of anything in particular.
Awaiting - I don’t care if JJ’s FTL’s got racing stripes. I’m sure she’s got a washing machine
I find the older I get the less patience I have.. I can’t stand ‘takers’ I think they might be worse than the fake ones- they just suck the life right out of you (or try to).
There’s no need for you to apologize. You said how you felt at the time and weren’t disrespectful about it. I admit I was slightly taken aback by the overall tone because I’m not a hateful person and I thought you knew that. I hate shitty people like I hate the color pink, which is not deep, penetrating hate but a “Ewww, I hate that” kind of hate (there different, I guess). For me to actually hate anyone would be giving that person power over me, whether they knew it or not, and I learned the hard way not to let that happen (long, involved story, don’t need to spell it out, I think).
Neither do I feel sorry for people like that. I feel that everyone has certain choices in behavior that they can make one way or the other. And shitty people can choose/learn to not be shitty. They choose the anger, resentment, self-hate, or whatever else it is that fuels them to be the way they are. I don’t feel that I need to take that kind of stuff on in my own life. I have enough psychic vampires to deal with, and I don’t want anymore. I don’t have the time or energy. I’m not a snippy, nasty bitch about it all, unless the situation arises where I have to be. For instance, when my ex-room mate brought home man who’d just offered to help her carry her groceries and invited him to stay the night. In the same house as my toddler. That situation got ugly. Most of the time I’m perfectly amicable.
I don’t get the points thing. I’m a little thick that way. And I don’t really think we differ too much on the benefit of the doubt thing. I think that the only way we can become close to people at all is to let them in by giving them the benefit of the doubt. You almost admit just as much in the next paragraph. You think of it differently is all. Because no one can ever perfectly judge someone to be of good character. There are always disappointments.
I don’t think that anyone with an ounce of humility actually expects anyone to want to be around them right off the bat. I think most people like to ease into relationships, especially people that have been hurt in one way or the other (for those that don’t get it, that doesn’t necessarily mean romantic relationships either). I still get surprised that anyone comments on my stuff, believe it or not. Or when someone I haven’t seen in a really long time remembers me.
I wasn’t referring to you, O’Tim. I’m sorry if it seemed that way. And my update wasn’t in response to your comment, either.
As far as my FTLs go, well, I just got some new ones, so there.
I agree with the vampires. They can never get enough from you and then when you need something POOF! they vanish into thin air. DB is like that.
Life would bore the snot out of me if even friends saw perfectly eye to eye on everything. That settles it. I’m glad to have you as a blog friend, JennyJinx.
Oh, and I was giving you points. You can redeem them at participating bloggers for fabulous moichindice.
A-men, Brother-man!
And I you, sir. Now about that merchandise… Got anything in emerald?