Things I’ve Learned in a Month

I’m supposed to be working right now. I mean working as in “making money” and “making good grades”. But I feel way overwhelmed so I’m taking a break. And taking a break means bringing in ye ole feather duster and dusting off my poor baby- the blog, you silly people, not the actual baby.

I’ve decided to share with you some of the things I’ve been learning in my long absences from here. Some you might already know (and why didn’t you tell me?) and some might even be interesting. I doubt that any of them will be all of the above.

1. Many of the “viral” videos that you see on YouTube are actually orchestrated by marketers.
   Someone makes the video then pays someone else to promote it.
   They do this by
   • creating multiple YouTube users to create controversy in the comments.
   • creating multiple forum accounts to upload the videos and then converse about said videos in the forums
   • paying people to view the video, comment on the video, and post the video on their websites.
2. There are sites where people go to hire spammers and I stumbled into one. I’ve never felt so dirty in my life. $1 for 500 comments and people actually bid on those jobs.
3. Links from popular sites are commodities that people actually pay good money for. For instance, some people get thousands of dollars just by saying “Check out this site”.
4. Google doesn’t like people buying and selling links and will demote your site if you do so. Uh-oh.
5. SEO gurus are quite possibly more low-down dirty than even our friend, Mark. Yes, it’s possible and they don’t even have to call someone a fucktard to be that nasty.
6. It is humanly possible for me to make a point and show my ultra cool personality without all the cussing. Can you believe it?
7. Some people actually think enough of my writing style to pay me to write for them. Two people to be exact. But who’s counting?
8. It is possible for me to make enemies online without leveling a curse at them. I’ve got tons of emails to prove it. Of course, that’s what landed me my second job, so I’m not complaining.
9. I suck at web design.
10. I should change my major to something that reflects who I really am instead of who I need to be to make tons of cash. As long as it doesn’t involve a lot of traveling, hard work, or dealing with sick people.
11. Michael Arrington is the biggest piece of shit online.

I was going to get a little more personal, but changed my mind. I’ll keep that shit to myself. I need to relax, drink some tequila, and maybe toilet paper the neighbor’s house. That would be so lovely. Not realistic, but lovely. Of course, I could just make a wax voodoo doll and watch heads implode. *sigh*

I’m losing my touch here, people. That sucks.

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