I’m back in math class. I have a monkey on crack teaching me shit that my mind can’t absorb. It’s like a hollow log inside my head when I’m sitting in that class. No lie.
The funniest part? TheMan is taking the same class on an opposite night. Lucky for him he’s got a more human professor. Unluckily for him, he needs my help.
HUH?
Mwahahaha!!!! Man, is he in for a shock.
Anyway, tonight was his first night of class. He came home and asked me to help him (*snort*). First, you need to know that he was doing linear equations. He couldn’t get the concept from the get. The equation was x+7= 9. The conversation went like this:
Him: What now?
Me: You have to work it so the variable is by itself.
Him: What’s a “variable”?
Me: The x.
Him: Now what?
Me: *Grabs pencil and starts pointing* You have to subtract 7 from the right side and subtract it from the left side. Here. *Hands back pencil.*
Him: *Subtracts from right side* Now what?
Me: HUH?
Him: What’s next? That’s not the answer.
Me: This is why I’m not a teacher. Subtract it from the other side too.
Him: Subtract what, though?
Me: SUBTRACT THE DAMNED SEVEN!
Him: Why? That doesn’t make sense.
Me: Where the hell’s the tequila?
OMG! Do you know how long it took me to get him to understand that both sides should be equal (meaning add or subtract equally from both sides of the equation)? I’m thanking the Goddess now that he’s not taking College Algebra, because I would seriously kill him. No lie. Of course, this was his first class of the semester, so I may still kill him.
Pray for me.
P.S
I totally stole this from AntiBarbie1 :
|
Your Deadly Sins |
 Wrath: 60% Sloth: 40% Envy: 20% Gluttony: 20% Lust: 20% Pride: 20% Greed: 0% Chance You’ll Go to Hell: 26% You will die in prison, in a puddle of your own blood. |
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16 Comments
I did the sin thing a while back and got the same answer as tonight: 80% sloth, 20% lust, and zero for the rest; 14% chance I’ll go to hell. “You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.” Hah.
LOL @ the math. Good luck with the monkey!
I imagine his head will go explodey when they start introducing y into the equations.
Is the answer 4?
I got something like I’ll die in my sleep and nobody will notice, hehe
Aargh, I’d be so like you! I have no patience trying to explain that stuff to anyone. I think it takes someone special to make somebody understand that stuff without hitting them across the head everytime they get it wrong
You are making my head explode with this algebra. I did very so-so in algebra in high school and flunked geometry, in high school. However, the geometry teacher passed me with a C.
I truly recall looking at the final and thinking it could have been written in Italian for all I knew. I made a half-assed attempt to write numbers somewhere and he gave me a C.
I was thankful at the time, now that I’m almost 40 I find it shocking that he would pass me.
And further, since I have the floor, I have NEVER used geometry in my real life. I have used algebra to figure out the discount on a top on sale at Target. Go algebra!
p.s. There’s a crazy looking baby as my avatar. That’s not me, man. I don’t know where that came from.
It’s not me, okay?
Okay then.
You know, I was always pretty bad at math. Not anywhere near that bad, but I had a general hate from most algebraic expressions.
The terrible part about it is that I am awesome at stats. I think both of my college stats teachers wre amazed to find that I wouldn’t be able to solve any problem relating to geometry, but you want T & F scores? No problem!
“I have a monkey on crack teaching me shit” is a classic line to use. I actually got the visual there.
What an ass. Apparently I will be loved and feared by many, and buried in a tomb.
I flunked out of calculus in college in a record 1.5 weeks. My first exam was so bad the professor advised me to drop the class because I’d never even get to a D with that first ZERO I got. That’s right…NOT ONE QUESTION did I answer correctly. Do you know how hard it is to find a college major that doesn’t require any math at all? Pretty fucking hard, if you want one that will result in, say, a JOB in something OTHER than the housekeeping or fast food industries after you graduate. Ah, good times.
lol this is really funny to me because my wife is in the middle of taking a math class and comes to me for help with equations similar to the one you posted. She gets really frustrated with math and I have no problems (having a Masters in Applied and Computational mathematics helps I guess).
I have been helping her by my methods differ a lot from her teachers. Not only that I still prefer to use a slide rule rather than those fancy graphing calculators.
I am not real great at math and now when I try to help my young uns I feel pretty damned stupid. I have even gone online and taken a few math courses. Of course with me being my own teacher so to speak I think I need a “monkey on crack”. It beats me yelling at the screen like a fool.
Sorry I’m late, everyone. School’s a bitchy taskmaster.
Miz UV,
I thought for sure you’d die sampling cupcakes in some exotic bakery.
Lis,
Oh, man, don’t even go there! Honestly, pretty soon we’re going to be doing xy(2x+45y)2. What then? How will I survive?
Solomon,
Good try. Nope. It’s 2.
Claire,
I’m tempted to hit him in the head. Really. I might have to do that later just because.
Cardiogirl,
I’m lucky in that the Geometry is integrated with the College Algebra next semester. I’m so excited I want to pull out my own hair. Did you ever take Trigonometry? And if you did, was it useful? I’m dreading that class (next spring…argh!).
P.S.
The baby is my default avatar for those with no Gravatar account. What, you don’t think he’s cute?
Chris,
HUH? Please be gentle with me. I’m pretty sure stats are mathematical and will make my eyes bleed.
mikster,
Was that a bad or good visual? Because you had a visual, I was forced to imagine what you saw and in my warped mind I see a chimpanzee flinging crap on the class. What’s yours? ;P
Leon,
Feared by many? Are you going to be a biology professor? Sorry, sorry. But I’m going to have to take some sciences and some of my fellow “TOO DAMNED OLD TO BE DOING THIS” students (and I) live in mortal fear of Dr. What’s his name. Ya know?
Also, if you do get buried in a tomb, they’ll dig you up in 5000 years and examine your pelvic region. Ewwww.
Karen,
Holy shitballs! Not one? Man, that bites. My university only requires the hard stuff for the Technology and Medical fields (unless you’re going only for an associates then you get off with “Introduction to College Algebra”, which is what I’m taking. LOL!). Next semester I start the really hard stuff, so I may repeat your experience.
Ben,
Are you telling me that you’re a math whiz? Well, lookee there. A Masters? You may become my new BFF, sir.
I had a professor last semester that was totally different than the guy I have now. The guy last semester just wanted us to know enough to pass his class. And his methods were extremely confusing. It was really, really hard for me. My current professor is teaching us the same crap, 100x faster, but with different techniques. I like his way a lot better. I might fall in love with math afterall.
ettarose,
I feel your pain. My eldest daughter is in Pre-Calculus. She’s getting an A. She’s got this Math thing down pat. Can I help her? Nope. She’s helping me. Crazy, huh? I figure she’s gotta earn her keep somehow, right?
By the way, I yell at the screen all the time. Don’t feel bad. I’ll read something that gets my blood pumping and I talk to the computer like it gives a shit. Mwahaha!! Hey! It’s therapeutic.
OMG! Not to be too hard on TheMan, but as a person that took college math all the way through differential equations and excelled at it, but DAMN! Those are some of the worst math skills I’ve ever seen. How can you not get “what number plus 7 equals 9?”
DOUBLE DAMN!
Sorry.
Sydwynd,
Did you have to go there with the “excelled”? HUH? What kind of person are you?? *sob*
Ok, I’m better. At least I know where I can go when I need someone do my homework for me.
Anyway, the problem was getting through to the answer. He has to show his work. And really, since it was such a basic equation, he needs to master that before going on to the more complex stuff. Ya know? Got learn in baby steps and all that jazz.
Personally, I’m going to make Lil’ Miss tutor him. She’s the math genius in our house and she’s got to earn her keep.
Jen,
I’m a MAN. Doesn’t that say it all?
However, if you do need help, I can try and dust off my skills. It’s been a while since I’ve done that advanced math stuff.
And I’d be happy to extend discounted rates to you to do your homework.
Well, sure, Sydwynd, it says you should be good with a hammer too.
Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t excel at that either.
What kind of discount we talkin’ ’bout here?